Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Sanity is Relative
Just cruising along with all this training...then realized that I am only two months away! The nightmares have begun to creep in and all sorts of crazy thoughts continue to enter my mind. I dreamt the other night that I finished the swim in 50 minutes (yeah, right!!) and I was so pumped I couldn't believe it, but then it took me over 20 minutes to find the bike transition area...I had to run into the host hotel to ask the concierge where the bikes were and he looked at me like I was crazy! Can you imagine?! I knew this was going to happen, it has happened before every marathon I have run (you think by number 8 I would realize that it's nearly impossible to get lost on the course, but I still manage to have the dream EVERY time).
One thing I didn't imagine happening was being so emotional. I have cried (tears of joy, I guess)once or twice during a marathon...(like my first one when I finally saw the finish line and then again when I knew I was going to set a 15 minute PR)...and I know I'm going to have a few bawling sessions during the IM, but I had no idea that I could have the flood gates open up now, just during training. **Side note: as for the other emotion (ie. bitchiness) I knew that was going to occur (it does without all this training)...so apologies to all I share a lane with in swim, my "lane nazi" comes out sometimes, it's uncontrollable! Anyway, I can cry at the drop of the hat just thinking about the IM. I get so excited imagining how it's all gonna go down and then picture myself running over the finish line and having my friends and family there and I get all choked up. I am a little right now just writing about it...weirdo! The thought of actually accomplishing this is mind blowing to me and I guess brings me to tears sometimes.
I think everyone has a little mantra or some words that keep them motivated. My bestie from Seattle came to visit the other weekend and I snuck out on the Saturday morning to squeeze in a 15 mile run. She asked me "how do you do it? how do you motivate to get out of bed that early and do all that work?!" I told her that when the alarm goes off at 4:30 (or earlier, or later) and I fight to get my feet on the floor I say to myself "You are an Ironman." Period. Sleeping in is not going to get me to the finish line, hard work and sacrifice will...so when I think about crossing that finish line and knowing I can truly say "I am an Ironman" that's what motivates me. Repeating that mantra over and over again will also apparently cause me to fall down and cry like a little wuss..."get yourself together!" ;) I can only hope that everyone else in this phase of training is going through the same thing, then I'm not as insane as I imagine.